Friday, February 6, 2009

Broken

Broken by Lifehouse





The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is the healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will, will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, having forgot my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name, I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you




This last week has been really, really hard. I usually have a few days in between breakdowns where I can push the emotions under the surface...outrun them for a little while before they catch up. But this last week its been every.single.day. I don't know why.

I still can't accept what has happened. My senses REFUSE to. I still hear him crying. I still catch myself walking past his door quietly so I won't "wake" him. Thoughts and memories slip into my head all day long, and my mind reels...this just cannot be happening to me. It cannot have happened! This CANNOT be my life! I CANNOT DO THIS.

How can he be gone? It just doesn't feel real...

7 comments:

larsen family said...

I heard this song on the radio and felt it expessed how I feel. It is so hard to accept what has happened to our kids. 6 months out I still can't believe that Kamber is gone. Life is so hard. I am here any time you want to talk.
Sending you hugs,
Jen

Barrett, Melinda, & Angel Trinity Adams said...

wow...I never listened to the words of that song...I totally connect to that song too. I know what you mean...THIS JUST CAN NOT BE REAL! THIS JUST CAN NOT BE OUR LIFE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES ON EARTH!! It really sucks! I wish so much to turn back time and bring both Trinity and Gavin back...I'm soooooo sooooooo sorry! I love you and I'm always here!

Love Melinda

Anonymous said...

I love that song and I will pray for you everytime I hear it. (((hugs))))

Janell said...

What a beautiful (even though sad) song. I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I can't imagine how hard it must be. Thank you for sharing the list on the right hand side. That is very helpful!

Matt & Staci said...

I love you Bethany!

I wish there was more I could say or do. Just know I am always thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

It says in the song "every night I find meaning". I hope that every night and morning as you kneel you find meaning, and as you find meaning you are able to be lifted with the spirit of strength to continue your journey.

Sharon said...

Bethany,

Thank you so much for keeping your blog updated. I truly appreciate your thoughts and feelings. There have been countless times that James and I have wanted to email, call or even plan a trip down there - but we have been unsure of how to go about it. Its so lame of us to not say anything at all.

So I guess I just wanted you both to know that we think about you and talk about you every single day. We still cry for you and long for you to find some comfort in any way that you can.

We hope to talk to you soon. Will you please email me so I can have your email address and phone number? I know James would really like to talk to Andre.

We love you so much. We will continue to think, pray and cry for you every day.

Love, Sharon & James