Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I miss...

...little boy flip flops. And little boy clothes. And little boy toys. Every time I go to the store I try not to look at the clothes, but I can't seem to help myself. Sometimes I just stop and stare at an outfit that would have looked so cute on him. It takes all my will power not put it in my cart. What would I do with it?! I don't know...put it in a box in the top of a closet, I guess. I just want to HAVE it. I want to buy it and hold it and look at it and cherish it. But I know its too cruel.

Sometimes I see him in Olivia. If I look at her out of the corner of my eye, I can almost pretend it IS him. Just for a few seconds... Sometimes I hold her and close my eyes and try to remember. I run my fingers through her hair and wish they had those same little curls.

6 comments:

Crystal Eldredge said...

I have done the same thing...I see something at a store and I think he would have looked so cute in this. I think I could buy it then what? I am pregnant and I am terrified to hold this new little baby in my arms. I know we need another child but, I am so scared of the feelings and emotions that will come with her. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

She Made Mention said...

Your post reminded me of my post on April 9th, just thought you might like to have a read...

http://thisandthataboutthebowmans.blogspot.com/2010/04/only-where-my-heart-can-go.html

You are not alone.

Jess Bowman

She Made Mention said...

Here is the correct post that I was talking about...

http://thisandthataboutthebowmans.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-cant-help-but-wonder.html

Sorry for the confusion.

Just please remember that you are NOT alone. I crave to buy things for Stephen and sometimes we DO buy small things for him. It seems to help the kids too.

Love Jess Bowman
Angel Stephen's Mommy

nancy said...

"what would i do with it?! i don't know..."
oh! this made me think of... a skateboard, hockey equipment, a guitar & other things...standing lonely without their owner... bequeathed to a mother who can't even begin to think of giving them away...no...not yet...perhaps not ever...i don't know. xo

The Holland Family said...

I'm so sorry. I remember feeling the same way. Sometimes I still do but not near as often. I buy for my little nieces and my heart aches that I can't buy anything for Mia. It hurts so much. Hugs to you. Love, Nicole - Mia's mom ^i^

Barrett, Melinda, & Angel Trinity Adams said...

I know exactly what you are talking about...many times I have seen the perfect clothes, the perfect princess toy, and yet, no one here to buy it for. I miss shopping for Trinity...I miss her so much still.

Love you so much Bethany!